Sayonara Byebye
by ARaZhi
Summary: After everything they've been through together, Killua is leaving Gon. For better or for worse. [Spoilers for manga chapters 210-214. AU. Non-shounen ai]


**Note**: This contains spoilers for Hunter X Hunter manga chapters 210 - 214. Read at your own risk ^^   
**Disclaimer**: Hunter X Hunter doesn't belong to me but to tensai Togashi-sama.

**Title**: **_Sayonara... Bye-bye_**  
**Author**: ARaZhi

It has been 30 days since Knuckle defeated Gon. Thirty days since Shoot defeated me. 

Thirty days have passed and the day I've been dreading for has come.

I'm going to say goodbye to Gon.

*** flashback ***

"Your weakness is that you gave up too quickly!"

"You always consider the opponent's maximum power! And you consider the worst-case scenario before you begin fighting!"

"If the opponent is just a little bit stronger than you, you already give up."

"Your choice is to run away..."

"You have to lose that habit."

"And tomorrow...if you can't defeat Shoot..."

"You must leave Gon's side."

*** end flashback ***

I forced down the hard lump on my throat. Not a day passed when Biscuit's words didn't replay itself in my mind.

"One day, you will leave Gon to die without helping him."

Biscuit's words, although meant to instruct not to hurt, cut deep into me like a Benz knife.

What if one day, someone as powerful as Hisoka tries to kill Gon? What will I do? Stand paralyzed in fear? Held by the invisible chains my brother's teachings wrapped around me?

What if the chimaera ants came and I'm powerless against them? Will I just look at them in fear while my best friend fights for his life and mine?

I never deserved his friendship, did I? I never deluded myself with the thought that I did. But after all these months together, I've begun to hope that maybe I deserve to have this friendship with Gon.

Despite my darkness as opposed to his light.

Despite my lying.

Despite the deaths I've caused.

Despite eveything.

Because I know deep down that he understands me. And he accepts me.

And he called me his BEST FRIEND.

But it's never enough, is it?

Friendship isn't enough to save Gon. My power isn't enough to save Gon. Even the one life that I can give for him wouldn't be enough.

A droplet of water fell on the paper I'm holding. Am I crying? I didn't even notice.

I'm writing a letter. My first ever letter that doesn't involve blackmail or death threats Zoldyek style.

I guess Biscuit is right. Although she didn't say it, truth is I am a coward. I'm not even brave enough to face Gon and tell him goodbye.

But how can I? You know what he's like. He's going to try to convince me to stay. Come up with his simple-minded (but usually good ideas) to make me stay. BUT I CAN'T! 

I WANT TO!

But I can't...

Right now, what's more important for me is I keep out of the way. Gon is better off without me. He'll live longer without me.

I, Killua, who might just leave his best friend, Gon, to die without helping him...

Because I'm a coward.

And this letter is just one of those proofs.

Gon's still sleeping and I'm about to sneak off. By the time he wakes up, I'll be far away from here.

Knowing him, he will probably come after me. I don't know where I will go. Maybe I'll go home, but not just yet. Gon is definitely going to look there first. I don't think I have it in me to face him soon. 

Maybe I can face him... in the future when I'm strong enough. Brave enough.

Now I know how Gon's father felt. Not knowing how to face Gon. Right now, I don't know what I will do if and when I see him again.

I do hope I'll see him again. Even if it's just a glimpse. Or hear a tidbit of news. Anything to know that he's alright. As long as Gon's alright, I know I'll be fine.

No matter what happens. No matter what time and space does to change both of us. Gon will ALWAYS be my best friend.

And if anyone hurts him, no amount of Nen will stop me from killing whoever is responsible.

But, knowing Gon, he wouldn't want me becoming vengeful. He doesn't want me to become a killer. That's why he went to all that trouble to get me away from home.

_Gon,_

_I'm sorry it had to be this way. I have to be on my own for a while. Perhaps someday I'll have the courage to face you and explain why I left. Maybe then you've forgiven me._

_Thank you for everything. No matter what happens, you will always and forever will be my first and only best friend._

_Killua._

I looked up and found myself looking at Gon's fishing rod. So many things we learned, saw, and experienced together. All of that has now come to an end.

I left the letter at the table and stood up.

I can't say goodbye. I can't even write 'goodbye'.

For several long moments I stood at the doorway watching Gon sleep. His Nen is back to normal, he's stronger now, even while sleeping I can sense his strong aura.

He will be safe. He now has the strength to defend himself again. He no longer need my protection.

The last month I have with my best friend has come to an end.

The happiest time of my life is coming to an end as well.

Sayonara, Gon.

Bye-bye.

**~owari~**

**Note**: My first completed HxH fic, written in a sudden burst of inspiration. I haven't written anything in AGES [well a year or so but it felt like such a long time]. I'm hoping this is AU, I'll know when the next chapter of HxH is released. I really don't want Gon and Killua to separate T_T. I like the two of them together in a non-shounen ai/non-yaoi way. I hope you liked this! Review please ^^

**Series**: Hunter x Hunter  
**Date** **written**: Mar 27 2004  
**Time** **written**: 9:08PM - 9:56PM


End file.
